It just hit me recently, that I'm a musician. No really. When people ask me what I do for a living, I can actually reply, "I play the piano." Not, "I wait tables, but  really , I want to play the piano." A year ago, I was  hopelessly unemployed , and totally clueless as to how to go about entering the confusing, frustrating world of the music industry. I was questioning my talent, my future, and my prospects. So far in that I actually  applied to law school  as a "back-up" for when music didn't work out. But somehow, a  ballet accompanist job  landed in my lap - a position that intimidated me and left me wondering if I was even qualified for it. And after some struggles and much studying and practice, I am comfortable in the job and more thankful for it than ever. It has made me a much better and more professional pianist. Last night was my first day at work in a  beautiful restaurant , not waiting tables, but playing dinner music for its custome...

I watched a  documentary  about residents in the slums of Brazil whose only option to earn a living was to sift through miles of garbage for recyclable material. It was difficult to watch, and I could almost smell the bitter, damp air that they spent hours breathing in. The pay was next to nothing and the living conditions were atrocious. I found myself naively wondering, "How and why can they live their life like that?" After some contemplation, I realized the painfully simple answer. There was never another option for them. No shred of thought that they could do otherwise. Nothing that they could see, hear of, or even imagine in their wildest dreams. How could they  do  something if they never thought of it? I've slowly come to realize on my own, that the more you imagine in life, the more it becomes an actual possibility. I never saw a female in the Army until I went to an Army National Guard ceremony for my older brother. There was one female in his class and sh...

Sometimes I get worked up over the big picture. I think about how something simple may or may not affect the rest of my entire future. Everything turns into a life-altering domino affect when reality, sometimes it's just not that big a deal. While it's made for responsible decision making in the past, it often becomes quite unnecessary and exhausting. So while for some (who can't see the forest through the trees) need to be reminded to step outside and look at the grand overview, I have to tell myself,  sometimes there's just a  tree  through the trees.

Some of my readers may know that I've been struggling with the decision whether or not  to go to law school . For the last decade or so of my life, I began noticing a pattern when it comes to my decision making. Some how, my logic always defaults to, "the harder choice is the correct one."  I suppose it began in college with simply choosing to go and graduate. Then I chose the military. And between officer or enlisted, I chose to be an officer. When choosing where to be stationed, I  had  to go to the 82nd Airborne. When getting out of the military and choosing a location to start a new career, I chose to be a musician of all things, in New York City of all places. It's the same even in the small, day to day decisions: I can't just go for a run. It has to be 4 miles minimum on an uphill incline. I can't just do a load of laundry then relax, I have to clean the entire house. I can't just write a blog occasionally, I have to do it every day consecutively fo...