Despite all these blessings, I struggle with bouts of sadness, fear of failure, monotonous days, and panic as I feel my life is passing me by. Being a struggling musician, I face rejection and failure nearly every day. If I am to be honest, I have had some very dark moments of hopelessness. Moments when the tears have drenched my pillow and my eyes have nearly swollen shut. Moments when I wondered, what would it be like to crash into that tree? Moments I did not have the will to go outside.
But how dare I? With the millions affected in Haiti, the health issues some families have to deal with, and the struggle of losing a loved one, what an ungrateful person I must be to break down because the mechanic ripped me off and I locked myself out of my house. Again. This is what I should feel. This is how I should react when I feel like giving up. I don't. I feel sorry for myself. I add up all my problems one after the other until they are so mountainous, I am smothered underneath them all. I allow myself to sit in the dark on the couch and refuse phone calls while eating microwave popcorn and watching Friends reruns.
My name is Elizabeth Grimes and I have had enough wallowing. A person can live in darkness only so long before they must make a choice - let yourself fall into gloomy shadows of hopelessness never to return to sanity, or slap yourself in the face and wake up. I have decided to slap myself in the face and wake up.
I will find one magical moment per day and describe it to you. There is beauty, emotion, and joy in the tiniest things. I am looking at one moment, one split second, one snap shot in time and dissecting every aspect of its’ beauty.
If no one reads this, I will just describe it to myself.