It is rare for me to find a legitimate piano gig. It is even more rare for the hirer to return my phone call and/or e-mail. And it is practically an occasion to break out champagne and dance a jig when all the details work out and I am officially “booked.” So I was totally psyched when I booked an accompaniment gig at the Broadway Comedy Club. Not the Vegan Poetry Reading House, not the accompanist for a Catholic school’s children's Christmas program, but the Broadway Comedy Club - in the heart of New York City and a legitimate landmark where many famous musicians have performed.
The gig was to provide accompaniment (which isn’t my best skill) of Broadway songs (which I don’t know a lot of) for professional vocalists (who can be a bit…diva, or divo). We had one short rehearsal the day before the performance and I arrived at the rehearsal about 30 minutes early because I still had no concept of how mass transit runs in this city. I made it a rule of thumb to leave an hour before I thought I really needed to and generally wound up barely on time anyway.
Confidence lacking, and completely intimidated by location, the prospect of on the spot sight-reading, and the company I was in, the first performer (a beautiful, petite blonde) handed me her sheet music. In slow motion I reached for the wrinkled stack of papers. Please, please, please God, let this be something I’ve heard before. I should explain that while, yes I am a pianist and yes I write and arrange music, I FLOUNDER when it comes to sight-reading. I mean sink like a rock. I looked at the title. Yep. Never heard of it. Yep. It’s in G flat. Yep. It's 12 pages long. I spread the music across the piano while trying to hold my head up and give some impression to the vocalist that I had the faintest idea what I was looking at. What are those, dotted 16ths? Ledger lines…good boys eat fudge. She stared at me, waiting impatiently for the intro to begin. I started to play. The tempo was off. The rhythm was off. The lead-ins were un-recognizable. The run through was a disaster. So was the second song I was required to play. And the third, fourth, and fifth.
By the end of the rehearsal, my head sank in defeated shame and I refused to meet anyone’s eyes. I will never forget the look I received from the blonde singer – a look of disgust. A look that said, “You’re going to ruin my entire performance. How did you even get hired?” My mind sorted through any possibility that I could get out of this. Is there anyone I can call to fill in for me? I would pay them. Is there anyway I could say there was a family emergency and not have it sound completely fabricated? There was no out. I had to do it. I had to learn these 5 songs PERFECTLY in less than 24 hours.
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