Remember a few days ago, when I was feeling completely dejected and deflated from an audition gone bad? It was for a steady gig that paid well and I would be perfect for. But I didn't have that confident feeling when I left, like everything went perfect and they would call me immediately, begging me to take the position. I went home and thought, I shouda done this. If only I had played that. Oh, I'll NEVER get the job now!
Well I got the job.
And now I must eat my words.
I wonder if they'd be good sauteed in butter?
When will I ever learn? Don't make automatic bad assumptions about myself! Positive thinking, uplifting thoughts, not self-loathing and putting down! Hello?! Isn't that what I try and write about every day? Why can't I take a piece of my own advice?
So I have a new opportunity to do just that. My first day is Wednesday. I will be prepared, practiced, and confident. The job is exactly what I love doing most of all! Me and a piano, playing to a crowd, songs of my own choosing, while they enjoy dinner. Not too much pressure because I'm background, and not the center of attention. I love reading crowds and selecting songs for them and I always thought I was pretty good at it. (That's how you learn to survive on tips, it's like Darwinism for musicians. Play the right songs for the right people, and wa-la! You survive.)
This experience has been another reminder to silly me...I'm not in control of everything, God is. And I need to trust Him, rather than worry about my own capabilities so much.
If you're ever in New Jersey on a Wednesday night between 6:30 and 10, come by the Bernards Inn. Eat a nice dinner. I'll play a tune for you.