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Magical Moment 229, "Syke"

On my second day at my new job as a pianist for a ballet school and company, I found myself struggling through the combinations. I thought that certainly after some practice, the job would become easier, but I suddenly found myself over thinking the counts, struggling with intros, and having trouble “squaring off the piece.” I was worried the instructor was getting frustrated at the disruptions. Even worse, the owner of the company, made visits in and out of the class room and I was certain she noticed my fumbles. The mirrored room reflected my image like a string of paper dolls. Every missed count echoed against the walls. Every mistake was magnified by a hundred.

When the night was over, the owner very seriously pulled me aside and asked, “Can you stay a bit after?” I nervously replied that I could and she motioned for me to walk back to her office. As I sat there waiting for her to enter, I actually texted Eddie, “I think I’m about to get fired.” I silently prepared my plea for a second chance, promises to do better, observe more classes, buy more sheet music.

When she came in the room in her very poised and professional demeanor, she said, “Can you work every Tuesday night?” Sheesh! With relief and a smile, I eagerly said yes. She went on to say that the instructor from last Saturday said I did very well for my first time and she was amazed that I could sit there and play all those hours. Now I began to relax. She then handed me a book of sheet music and told me I was free to make copies if I wanted.

I called Eddie afterwards and listened to the reprimand about how I always think the worst of myself. I’m a glass half empty kinda gal. I need to give myself more credit. Believe in myself more. I’m trying. I’m working on it. Looking at myself in a mirror is a good thing. Magnifying each flaw by a hundred is not.

Comments

Eddie said…
I didn't reprimand her. I just knew she didn't play bad. If anyone reading this has heard her play and thinks she was good, post a comment and tell her.
Don Leska said…
I heard you play and it was beautiful.
laughwithusblog said…
I am like you! I always think whatever I do wasn't that great. In fact I've pretty much been pushed into every job I've ever had. lol I have no self confidence in my abilities, but I am self confident in who I am. Contradicting?
I am ALWAYS second guessing my abilities. It drives me crazy! Thank you Don, for reading and the compliment. :)
Valencia, Ann Mary Martina said…
Let your individuality shine through...it does! Your composure, concentration, courage, compassion, consideration are infallible. Love is to like it, to like it is to listen, to listen to your music is to like it & to love it, we love you, Elizabeth. Thank you.
Anonymous said…
You are talented, lovely, and spunky and I am proud of the woman you have become. Remember to hold your head up and be proud of yourself!
Anita (don't know how to post besides using anonymous-computers aren't my forte!)
Jared said…
At the Lincoln Center show with Kevin, I was taken by two things: your touch and sensitivity to the melodic line. You made me nervous to play after you. These are talents that are years in the making, and they don't go unnoticed by people with ears to hear.
Jared
Jared - thank you so much! Means a great deal coming from you. :)

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