Some of my readers may know that I've been struggling with the decision whether or not to go to law school. For the last decade or so of my life, I began noticing a pattern when it comes to my decision making. Some how, my logic always defaults to, "the harder choice is the correct one."
I suppose it began in college with simply choosing to go and graduate. Then I chose the military. And between officer or enlisted, I chose to be an officer. When choosing where to be stationed, I had to go to the 82nd Airborne. When getting out of the military and choosing a location to start a new career, I chose to be a musician of all things, in New York City of all places. It's the same even in the small, day to day decisions: I can't just go for a run. It has to be 4 miles minimum on an uphill incline. I can't just do a load of laundry then relax, I have to clean the entire house. I can't just write a blog occasionally, I have to do it every day consecutively for 424 days! It's sort of become a reflex.
So after the hurdles of taking the LSAT exam and the headache of applying to law schools, suddenly I was accepted and had another choice to make. Well, it should be a no brainer. Law school is hard and challenging, I should do it. It was so typical and obvious, yet I couldn't just say the words, "I want to go to law school." I went to visitation day anyway, and mailed in a deposit for the incoming semester. Still I didn't feel the peace I should feel, like with past major decisions. Not even the nervous, anxious, excited "peace" that came with jumping out of airplanes. It just didn't feel right.
I canceled the check. And ya know what? I feel peace. I'm not saying 'no' to law school because I'm scared of how hard or stressful will be. Hard is fine with me. I've done that before. But I didn't come to New York City to be a lawyer. And the truth is, becoming a lawyer would be an EASY way out of giving my all to music. Something as simple and 'easy' as canceling a check was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made.