Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Magical Moment 425, "A Hard Moment of Clarity"

Some of my readers may know that I've been struggling with the decision whether or not to go to law school. For the last decade or so of my life, I began noticing a pattern when it comes to my decision making. Some how, my logic always defaults to, "the harder choice is the correct one." 

I suppose it began in college with simply choosing to go and graduate. Then I chose the military. And between officer or enlisted, I chose to be an officer. When choosing where to be stationed, I had to go to the 82nd Airborne. When getting out of the military and choosing a location to start a new career, I chose to be a musician of all things, in New York City of all places. It's the same even in the small, day to day decisions: I can't just go for a run. It has to be 4 miles minimum on an uphill incline. I can't just do a load of laundry then relax, I have to clean the entire house. I can't just write a blog occasionally, I have to do it every day consecutively for 424 days! It's sort of become a reflex.

So after the hurdles of taking the LSAT exam and the headache of applying to law schools, suddenly I was accepted and had another choice to make. Well, it should be a no brainer. Law school is hard and challenging, I should do it. It was so typical and obvious, yet I couldn't just say the words, "I want to go to law school." I went to visitation day anyway, and mailed in a deposit for the incoming semester. Still I didn't feel the peace I should feel, like with past major decisions. Not even the nervous, anxious, excited "peace" that came with jumping out of airplanes. It just didn't feel right.

I canceled the check. And ya know what? I feel peace. I'm not saying 'no' to law school because I'm scared of how hard or stressful will be. Hard is fine with me. I've done that before. But I didn't come to New York City to be a lawyer. And the truth is, becoming a lawyer would be an EASY way out of giving my all to music. Something as simple and 'easy' as canceling a check was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

~Henry David Thoreau


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Linda said...

I haven't been following your blog for long, Elizabeth, but it's been long enough for me to see that you know yourself well...much better than most people know themselves. When you first mentioned the idea of law school, it surprised me because I knew your interest lay in music. But, I thought, maybe you were looking for a career that would fund your dream. It sounds as if you've made the right decision for now. Law school might be an option for another time. The quotation from Thoreau was perfect for this post.

Deborah said...

First, I'm soo impressed with what you've done so far, but if music is your passion, then throw yourself into it, I have a feeling that if anyone can make it work ... you can! :o)

Dawn said...

You amaze me. I love how you work it all through and come to a peaceful decision.
I think it's neat how you realized....what you moved there for wasn't Law School! So now you can continue to dream and live it out!!!!

Dave said...

Hi Elizabeth. I have just read your latest blog. Yes, making decisions can be a challenge and I think you did the right thing about cancelling your cheque for the Lawyer course. I too believe if it doesn't feel right its probably not. My motto has always been "If in doubt, don't." Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog today - Dave (Cimba7200)

Nick Thomas said...

People like musicians more than they like lawyers!

Elizabeth Grimes said...

Linda, Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. I really value what you have to say and appreciate your reading my little blog. :)

Deborah, Thank you for the vote of confidence! It really means the world.

Dawn, You're too kind, really. But thank you for the encouragement. :)

Dave, Thanks for stopping by. I enjoyed your blog very much!

Nick, Good point!!!! Thanks! :)

Stuff could always be worse said...

Wow I thank you for your Military service! You make decisions very well, I am sure you will again

laughwithusblog said...

I'm glad you said no!

Susan in the Boonies said...

Wishing you all the best.

You sound like your decision making process is similar to mine: go with your gut. I ask for guidance, and then trust the Holy Spirit who lives inside to direct.

Paul C said...

This kind of decision making has happened to me several times as well. It's like looking at a diamond with all its facets and deciding that maybe I don't need all the brilliance, stress, and bother...